With all of my doubts and insecurities bubbling up to the surface again, I can’t help but to feel weighed down and heavy. Even though I feel how I feel, I hear the words of my advisor saying, “you’re just going to have to get over it.”
That may seem harsh, but at the time it was what I needed and it’s what I need now. I have too much work to do and I don’t have time for anything trying to weigh me down emotionally or otherwise. Childhood memories, old routines, and of course old ways of dealing with things. Somethings I regret because I think of how I would’ve been had I not entertained the idea.
But the past is the past and you can’t change anything all you can do is try not to make the same mistake twice. I’m not perfect and I never claimed to be, I’m just fighting my own demons. I look at it like this, if I keep running into the same problems maybe it’s me. I’m glad that I found my strengths and weaknesses first before starting a family, because I probably would’ve messed them up lol.
I’m so grateful to have woke up this morning! No matter what the day after or the day after that looks like, I’m always happy to still be breathing. With that being said, there are things that I want to start, but I’m too nervous to actually start. My brain is saying what if ….. my heart is saying what do I have to lose?